Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Reality Bites

Somewhere things changed. Maybe it was after I finally completed my 10k in July and said, "Fuck this running thing," and just half-assed running for the next two months before quitting entirely. Maybe it was after Mexico when I stopped saying "no" to myself again. My "no" muscles are weak now...very weak. I truly believe the more you resist, the more you say no to the unhealthy foods, the easier it gets. Last year I kicked ass at saying no. Junk food, baked goods, chocolate- barely a bite slipped passed my lips. Now? It's all in baby. Not to say I have reverted to my old binging ways and eating giant bowls of ice-cream and bags of cookies. But I am just not saying no.

And guess what? The scale is finally reflecting it.

I seemed to do no wrong in the eyes of the scale gods by slacking off in the exercise department. Then the food ante was upped a bit, and in the last week the scale has responded in kind. Can't really blame it, now can I? Hells no.

So I an now 172.6...which is about 3 lbs up from where I was hovering for the last few months. I would dip down to 167, then up to 169, but never did I pop over 170. Until now.

Fuck.

This is what I have been dreading. I KNOW I have more flab on me, but body composition- less lean muscle, more fat- has kept the scale level for me. Not any more though. Time to get my head out of fairy-tale land where I can eat crap and sit on the couch and not gain weight. This shit just got real.

So what does that mean? Well, mostly it means I have to move more and eat less. Huh, that sounds strangely familiar.

Doing this now before another 2 or 3 or 10 lbs creeps up is key. I could easily wait and stay a lazy ass until I can't fit into my nice, new, small clothes anymore. Been there. Done that. Bought the XXL t-shirt. I can tell myself right now that I still fit into my 29 inch waist jeans (they are low-rise, so yeah, they fit, but I don't have a 29-inch waist by any means!), and my size 8 blazer and size medium tops. Sure, right now. But gimme a few more weeks at this rate, and I will be muffin topping my way out of those clothes. Of this I have zero doubt.

I will have to fight off the hunger demons that now plague me (as they did at the beginning of my journey). Maybe I should hook up with those endless bags of carrots again. Hmm.

K, back to working out regularly and saying NO, HELL NO, FUCK OFF NO to all the sugary and fatty crap that comes my way.

6 comments:

Sari Becker said...

Sorry to hear about your lack of willpower Tammy... if it helps at all, last time I saw you I thought you looked fantastic...
But you're right about doing it now before the next 2 or 3 lbs. creep up on you... at least you recognize that and know just what to do about it! So, I congratulate you for having a plan and I envy you in advance because I trust you will stick to your plan! So I won't say good luck cuz you won't need it!
I, on the other hand, have not run for over 2 weeks with nothing but a lame ass excuse of too much school and homework. Add to that my nieces selling me countless boxes of chocolate mint Girl Guide cookies... ugh! I have zero willpower.
I will stop eating them now and I will have Cory FORCE me to run with him tonight. With you as my inspiration. So thanx, dude.

Big Clyde said...

Yeah...I basically did the same thing after I hit a milestone goal. The cookies and snacks start calling when we quit buying the carrots.

Glad that you are on track, Tammy. Now, go get it.

Cory said...

Tell me about it! Same bus ride here. As Sari has pointed out, recently i have completely lost any kind of will power... No longer!! All is not lost, so lets pick up the pieces before there are too many to pick up.

Kimberly said...

Yep, those milestones can trip you up for sure! My favorite trick... I ONLY wear jeans, and jeans that FIT. When I lose, I shop (it's gotten a little pricy this summer but I'm willing to sacrifice a little cash for my waistline!) For me, those jeans (my first size 10's EVER)that don't hide a lot are what's keeping me and my willpower in line!
Good luck getting back at it!

Fat Daddy said...

I know where you are. And you're smarter than me for jumping on it before you lose real ground.

3 or 4 pounds is nothing, girlfriend. You still look fab. It's the bigger picture. Losing the fire. The commitment. The routine. The ability to say NO as you said.

You're smart to jump back on it, and you know (like I do) that you can get back on the horse.

You can.

Lucas said...

Hey kiddo. We've ALL been there. Sounds like you are getting your fire back though and that's great. Accept that you had a nice break, love and forgive yourself for it and just move on. It's an ebb and flow journey. You've had your ebb, it's time to flow. Ewww. That just sounds gross, but you know what I'm getting at! Proud of you for putting it all out there.