Arrrggghhh. This little plateau I am on is seriously starting to chap my hide. If I don't lose some weight this week, I am gonna...gonna....awww crap I got nothin'. If I don't lose weight, seriously, all I'll do is continue what I am doing. Exercising, eating less. I figure it's gotta come off SOMETIME. Right?? This is the point where a lot of people give up, just say f***k it. It's not working, so I might as well eat a doughnut. Or an entire pizza. Or a batch of cookie dough.
This is not an option.
Yes, I am frustrated. Yes, I want to see that malignant hunk of metal and plastic just freaking REFLECT all that I've been doing for almost FOUR WEEKS! The important thing is I feel like I'm smaller, I feel like my clothes are looser. So screw the scale, I say.
I was thinking about my relationship with food today. A lot of people try to figure out what their food downfall is, their trigger that caused them packed on all those pounds in the first place. I've always been a binger. Starting when I was little with stacks of cookies pilfered from the cupboard. I would have two. Then I would hear them calling to me, and I'd go get two more...or three. I'd only stop when I feared that my mom would notice so many cookies missing and get mad! I always loved baking too, mostly because of the batter. It was a big treat to lick the bowl when my mom baked cookies or cake or brownies. When we were old enough, she taught my sister and I to bake too. When I got older, I'd have cravings for cookie dough. Not the cookies. Just the dough. I remember as a teenager, making up a 1/2 batch just to eat the dough! As an adult I still got the cravings. I loved the freshly baked cookies too. I am such a sucker for a rich, gooey warm cookie. Heaven. I don't really care for the cookies once they are cold, but hey, that's what microwaves are for, right? In the past, I would bake whenever I felt like it. I'd eat spoonfuls of batter, then sample the cookies as soon as they came out of the oven. Chocolate hot as lava was no problem for me! I'd make chocolate pudding too, the kind you cook on the stove. I'd eat about 1/2 the recipe in one sitting. Oh, even better was brownie pudding. OMG...the batter for the brownies was like crack to me. I made that batter more than once just to eat it raw. In the last few years, I've been baking a lot less. I can't remember the last time I made cookies. I think that this lapse has helped a lot for my recent attempt to eat better. I don't want to make cookies. I haven't craved the batter at all. The other thing I eliminated long ago was MacDonald's food. Jason and I used to eat it at least twice a month. It was convenient, and I have loved the taste since I was a child. We decided it was just way to unhealthy to be a part of our diets. I haven't eaten there in over three years. That goes for most fast food places, really! I am glad that I don't have to struggle with wanting that food now. In some ways, I feel like the things I have eliminated from my life already have led to making this whole weight loss journey easier!
I haven't had any cravings for any of my old favourites- chocolate, cookies, chips. Nada. Of course, saying that now, I'm sure the next time I'm PMS-ing I will ransack the house looking for some sort of sweet, salty, chewy badness. I hate that feeling I get, like I just want to eat the whole house.
Ok, so what did I eat today? It was pretty much the same as yesterday. Well, breakfast and lunch was. I had a really big bunch of grapes as my snack. I ate half during nutrition break (recess) and the other half during my last block around 2. At home, I had the applesauce and 8 almonds (this time I counted exactly). Oh, and I drank my 2 liters of water again! Lol...and I think my cells are just at a loss with what to do with all this water 'cause I had to pee twice in a 1/2 hour! It's a bit better now, but man, it ain't easy to drink so much! A fellow blogger had a cool link on her page that directed to me to a site that tells you how much water you should drink based on your height, weight, activity level, climate you live in, etc. I was a bit stunned to see that I need 3.3 liters/day!! Oh lordy, build me a raft, I'm gonna float away! It did mention that if I ate a healthy diet I could get away with 2.6 liters. Oy. I guess that's only a little over one more bottle of water a day than I am doing. I will try to get to that point! Alrighty, water- check. Dinner was a toughie. Jason bought hot dogs, and we couldn't think of anything else to have. I checked the calories on the dogs and buns and decided to just have one. SO not my usual! I would eat two, and usually feel really gross after. I had a salad with it, and a serving of baked wedge spicy fries. The package said a serving was 8 pieces. Seriously!?! Who eats eight fries? And if we're supposed to judge by "the piece" why make them all such different sizes? Fry people...you're makin' my life difficult here! I gave Jason all the giant fries, and kept a few smaller ones for myself. No fudge pop tonight...or last night...or the night before. I didn't really want one! This is so weird for me because I always crave something sweet after dinner.
So I ate 'round about the same calories as yesterday. I really can't bring myself to work out after work in that hour to two hours before dinner. Just. Can't. It seems to be ok for me to do it at around 8. Tonight I had a headache, so I really didn't want to do it. I took tylenol, but when I got on the bike the pain was still there. Grrr. I pedaled anyway. Damned if a headache is going to mess up my streak here! As I pedaled, my legs started to ache. Oooh. I still wanted to keep it up around 20, and alternate with level 4, but man did I want to quit! My head started throbbing more as if it wanted to join in on the pain fun my legs were having. Blah. I didn't think I could do 1/2 hr. No way.
You know what though? I did do it.
Stats for the day:
Weight: 210 (shocking!)
Exercise: 40 min. moderate-high intensity (I did sit-ups after as well)