Fat to me or not fat to me

I am just a posting demon...writing on a Sunday here! Figure you will not be blessed with my blogging presence for five days, so I'd just inundate you with nonsense so you will just feel relived to have a reprieve. 

I have just been thinking, once again, about the sad fact that so many women think of themselves as fat. Even if they are so very NOT. I know that some of it is just whining and self-pity-induced need for reassurance from the world that they are, indeed, NOT fat. They are perfect, lovely, a slender reed. But then there are the ones who truly, with all their heart and soul believe they are fat. It is so very hard for us to see ourselves as others might. My very sweet guy friend told me last night that he didn't think I was fat at all...not even 30 lbs ago. I can't even wrap my brain around the idea! Is he crazy? Blind? Delusional? Or is he just being kind? Tryin' to make the chubby girl feel better about her sad self. My friend, Lara, said the same thing today! Not fat. Still can't believe it. Now how many people have to tell me this before I believe them? 10? 15? 100? Will I EVER believe it? I can't really remember feeling not fat. Maybe a year of my life here and there, but it was always short-lived. Not sure what will come of that. 

In my vain search to find jeans for my trip, I tried on a thousand pairs at the freaky-tall girl store. Nothing fit properly. The only pair I found that actually fit was, now get this, a size TWELVE. No shit. Of course I know this is just vanity sizing or whatever, 'cause there is no way in hell I am a size 12. I couldn't even feel good about that size for a second. Again, I wonder how many times I will have to fit into that size to believe it. Oh, and I didn't buy those jeans because they were almost $100 and had this weird whiskering shit going on on the thighs. Fuck that noise! I went to Old Navy and found a pair for $25 (size 14 Long, btw- I could get the 12s done up, but yugh, too tight!).

My new jeans...





 I know, kinda blurry. Whatev. Oh, and this was the size large top I got a couple weeks ago. Buh-bye XL! 

I had a great time going downtown though! The train was lovely and fast. I got to visit Lara at work and see her do her thang for the news updates. Very cool!  Seeing the setup, watching her get her news stories together and sitting in The Booth listening to her do the "radio voice" was the highlight of my visit! Bonus was walking 20 min. to the train and back and then walking around downtown was my workout! 

Stats for the day:

Exercise: 40 minutes brisk walking + 20 of downtown wandering

Weight: 190